


Bits and Pieces

by lenija



Category: Captain America (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Yuletide 2008, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1642802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenija/pseuds/lenija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for dirty diana</p>
    </blockquote>





	Bits and Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Written for dirty diana

 

 

There's always the possibility that he won't remember her tomorrow, a metaphorical sword hovering over her head.  
Not that they've been tinkering with his memories during the time she's known the Winter Soldier, but Natasha knows what they must have done before.  
She knows, because she has a pretty accurate idea of her employer's tactics.  
And she knows, because last week he woke up in the middle of the night, or almost woke up, and began talking about the forties.

"I have no idea where it was, or why I was there," he says, "but I don't think it was an assignment. There was a dance, and I didn't go after a target. What I did, I don't remember, but I'm certain there was no kill involved."

"It's not a good idea to dwell on these things," she says and pulls the blanket closer around them. It doesn't make her feel less vulnerable. (The cold doesn't bother her.)

"I won't be," he says, "at least not for long."

He shifts on his side, props his head on his metal hand and looks at her, the expression on his face almost resembling an amused smile. Each day he seems to be relaxing a bit more now; sometimes he behaves like someone else, a person she doesn't know at all. She doesn't suppose he even notices. If she were someone else, Natasha thinks, she would probably be scared.

"Why do _you_ care what topics I brood over?" he asks. "It doesn't concern you. I don't remember any valuable information. Nothing you're not permitted to know."

That smile of his is rather infectious, but the urge to return it is contrary to the discomfort his words spark in her. There's something amiss with his reasoning. 

"I'm thinking about the risks you take," she begins, trying to figure out what feels strange about this by speaking her mind. "You remember bits and pieces, you start putting them together, and then they're beginning to occupy your thoughts. You get unfocused. They'll notice, and they'll make you forget again. You're wasting your energy running after those memories, dorogoi."

,,What activities are you suggesting instead?" 

It's a feeble attempt at clinging to his earlier light mood and has nothing to do with her arguments, but at least she's managed to distract him from dreams of forgotten times. She slips one hand in his hair and pulls him close with the other, scraping her teeth lightly over the side of his neck. Metal fingers slide inside her.  
Nevermind that what they're doing is a distraction, too, and a more dangerous one than idle talk of forties' ballrooms. 

There is not much time left. It has nothing to do with a sense of foreboding, just the knowledge that comes with experience in their line of work.

+++

After her bleak expectations have come true, she doesn't forget him.  
She doesn't forget him, and the years pass while her life changes over and over. Among the lovers she takes are magnificent men, who know nothing about her past. Even when she tells them, they can never understand.

When Natasha meets the Winter Soldier again, he remembers her. It's not that he says he does, but the way he recognizes all her fighting moves, sidesteps her attacks as if he can foresee what exactly she's up to. He is desperate, with no fear; still, something changes in his eyes when he sees who he's up against. The years have passed differently for him. (It's all in his file.)

+++

About James a lot of things feel entirely unfamiliar, like she's never met him before, and in the end that's at least partly true. He might think he knows her, because she's one of the puzzle pieces Captain America dropped in his lap, like Lehigh or the ballroom night. Because they share something others have no clue about.

He watches her when they're fighting side by side, and she thinks that, if he's still as good as he used to be, he can see exactly what's different in her style, and he'll figure out all the implications eventually.

There's a good chance he will still remember her tomorrow. That's half the battle.

 


End file.
